Thank you

I just want to take a break from the story to thank those who are reading. And I especially thank elephantschild and pianomomsicle for your very nice comments. I feel very gratified to know that so many people are thinking about us and praying for us and that my story is appreciated.

I feel a particular drive to tell the story for several reasons. First of all, our baby was a person who existed, even though no one ever got to meet him or her. This loss is real and will never go away. But the real itch to write came after I was told there may be an anatomical reason for the miscarriage. While I'm relieved to have a possible reason, I feel the injustice even more acutely: there may have been nothing wrong with our baby. This may not have been a chromosomal abnormality, incompatible with life. Don't get me wrong, the loss would still be very real. But I feel now that the story has changed and we are truly on a journey now. At the point of my story where I've left off, I focused on "trying again." I wanted to move on, to make another baby who wouldn't die. Now I see there are a few steps to take before we get to that point.

In the world of fertility, everything requires patience. Waiting to start to try, waiting for peak fertility, waiting to see if it worked, then waiting to see if the baby survives the first trimester, the rest of pregnancy, birth... (SIDS, illness, accidents, childhood; it really doesn't end). The main theme of our story was always going to involve a lot of patience. But it is not as simple any more. We have to wait for our follow-up appointment, further diagnosis, weighing treatment options, treatment itself, waiting again to TTC, waiting to see if it works, and then we're "back on track" with the original list of worries.

I'll continue to tell the story. We've had "The Beginning," "The Middle," and "The End." I anticipate "The Aftermath" and "The D&C." After that, I'll supply updates. And again, I want to thank those of you who are reading, even if you don't leave comments, for thinking our story is worth telling. (But comments make me feel even better. ;)