Let Me Off

I've changed my mind. I don't want miscarriage. Who do I see to get my baby back? I'd be cool if we could just pick up where we left off, really.

After two months, it hasn't gotten any easier. If anything, it's gotten more difficult. Every time I see a pregnant belly, there's a squeezing sensation in my chest. It's a picture of what my life would be right now if it had continued to be easy. But alas, it feels like my days of getting through life easily are over.

I have a lot of things I want to call my doctor about right now. But I'm still waiting for HSG results. So I'm stuck in limbo again, unable to decide whether to just go ahead and call or wait another day or two for them to call me.

This will probably turn out to be an inaccurate perception, but I feel like I'm waiting for a phone call that will tell me whether I still have hope of having my own children. I do realize it's more complicated than that and at best, there will be more testing to figure out what, if anything (grr), is wrong. But I need something new to look forward to. I need to be told that the next test will give a really clear picture of what's going on and treatment (or cure!) will be right around the corner. I'm losing hope that it will be that relatively simple.

I'm running out of hope on my own; I need someone else to give me some.

I should be finding out if it's a boy or girl right now, not waiting to find out what's wrong with my uterus. So, it would just be much better if I could get my baby back. Please.