Post-Partum: Breastfeeding

So, I didn't get the natural birth I so desperately wanted. But I sure as heck wasn't going to give up on successful breastfeeding. No how!

I was asked at the hospital several times for the record whether I was planning on breastfeeding or formula feeding. I proudly answered each time that I intended to breastfeed. Having a c-section automatically precluded me from having an optimal start, since I, and Lily by proxy, had to have significant anesthesia from the surgery and couldn't be together right away. In the first attempts, we were both quite sleepy and so hoped it would go better next time.

In the Mother Baby room the first night, Lily was brought to me every three hours to keep trying nursing. I would express a little colostrum (which always excited the nurses when a few drops would appear, and I found that slightly amusing) and try to get her interested, but she was always either too sleepy or not interested in latching. Add to that the fact that I was still very groggy and on heavy painkillers, not to mention unable to use my abdominal muscles and therefore fairly immobile and helpless to get her into a good position on my own, and it's clear we started with a few setbacks.

But for some reason that I now attribute to Hypnobabies, I stayed calm. We would eventually learn and she would eat and be nourished. For now, she barely needed anything and I knew I had colostrum for her. It's a very good thing I stayed calm. The second night in the hospital, Lily was screaming and crying and wouldn't latch. The nurse was there helping me. Well, not really helping, as she kept suggesting we just give her a little bit of formula. That was so annoying! One of the easiest ways to undermine the breastfeeding relationship right off the bat is to give unnecessary supplements with an artificial nipple. I ignored the nurse's suggestions as I tried on my own to get Lily to latch. Then she made a new suggestion: "What if I just get a little bit of formula to put on your nipple to try to get her to latch?"

"Sure, do that," I said. I could see everyone would benefit if there was just one less person in the room. The nurse left to go get a bottle and within two minutes the crying stopped and Lily was eating. It was a personal victory for me that we never had to use that formula. I was annoyed that I pretty much had to use deception to get rid of someone who was supposed to be helping me, but thankfully that was not the attitude of the whole staff.

And even though I wasn't worried, Lily's weight kept coming off. At 8lbs 6oz, she had lost a little more than 7% of her birth weight when we left the hospital on Monday. I had an appointment with the lactation consultant the following Friday. In the meantime, we kept working at it.

When we took her to the doctor on Wednesday, my milk had finally just come in. The nurse put her on the scale and said, "I'm getting eight pounds on the nose." My heart sank. She lost six ounces in two days? I thought she was eating! I knew we were still getting the hang of this, but I didn't think it was going badly. Seeing a horrified mommy, the nurse checked the calibration of the scale and reweighed her. This time it was 8lbs 8oz. So, two ounces in two days. Perfect! The doctor was pleased.

Then Friday rolled around and we took Lily to the hospital for our visit with the lactation consultant. Not having read the directions left to us (lack of sleep made us irresponsible, I guess), we went to the wrong part of the hospital, and I hadn't brought any supplies I was using, such as the manual breast pump or the parts to the hospital pump I had been given. Our lactation consultant's name was Sue and we had met her in the hospital during our stay. She is right up there among the people who are the nicest in the world. But she raised her eyebrows at my engorgement and seemed concerned about that. We got Lily on the digital scale, the same type she was weighed on at her discharge: 8lbs 3oz. Not good. She had continued to lose weight after my milk came in and she lost more than 10% of her birth weight. Not good.

Sue had me hand express as much milk as possible into a towel before putting Lily to the breast. I was just so clueless. Lily did latch but we found her to be ineffective. She swallowed infrequently, and she made smacking sounds. Sue found that she has a high palate, which makes nursing difficult. I was given things to try, like breast compression, and was told to feed her every 2-3 hours round the clock for at least 20-30 minutes worth of frequent swallowing. But Lily was a very sleepy newborn and it was sometimes difficult to wake her up. And at night, even though I set alarms, I couldn't wake up to feed her and many nights she was happy to sleep for a 4-5 hour stretch. So on top of sleep deprivation, I worried constantly about whether she was eating enough.

We returned the following Monday, and she had gained almost 4 ounces, which was right on target. We made an appointment for a week hence to check her weight. After another week, she had gained a little less than 4 ounces and was just barely up to her birth weight. NOT so good. Not alarming, but not good. We hunkered down and I did little else but encourage Lily to drink her fill, perfecting her latch, persistently burping her. No one had yet mentioned supplementing her diet, and I didn't want to get to that point.

Lily got gradually less sleepy and more interested in nursing. The smacking continued, but we were getting somewhere. After another five days, she finally, FINALLY gained the target ounce-per-day and was safely above her birth weight. I didn't need to return to the LC, but I have to say I think about Sue often and kind of miss her. I've looked for reasons to go back, as I've seen Lily through setbacks in her nursing. She's already had a few mild colds and an ear infection, through which we discovered a possible penicillin allergy. I'm disappointed that she's had illness. I thought breastfed babies were supposed to get fewer ear infections! The antibodies! The wonderful, magical properties of breast milk! But despite each setback, Lily always continued to make improvements and I never did have to drag her back to the LC.

Just when I thought the smacking would never stop, it did. Her palate has flattened out or she's just finally good enough at sucking that she can nurse pretty quickly and effectively. She's been sleeping through the night for several weeks now, though there are the off nights that she wakes up to eat. Each time we've been to the doctor, she's been in the 90th percentile for length and ~60th for weight. I confess I'm proud of her delightful little chubs. She's never had a drop of formula in her life (unless they snuck her some in the hospital), and her health is a testament to our hard work.

I'm glad I know how to breastfeed now. My next baby and I will be 50% better off (hopefully even better, if I get my VBAC!), though I understand a lot depends on the baby. I may have a whole different host of problems, but I've learned a lot this time around. And I'm extremely grateful that I didn't have more issues than a sleepy baby such as thrush, mastitis, cracked and bleeding nipples, etc.

I don't care what anyone says, you can be doing everything right and it will still hurt. And nursing isn't totally free if you factor in the electric pump (I have a relatively inexpensive one, but it still wasn't cheap), bottles for the one or two times per week I have to be away from her, nursing pillow, and special wardrobe items. Still, the two words I would use to describe breastfeeding in general are: WORTH. IT.

I may doubt my body's ability to bring a baby into this world, but I know that it can nourish a baby, and that helps a lot.